So generally I weigh myself at the beginning of the day when there's no food in my body and I'm all refreshed from the night's sleep (yeah right). And this is when the scale says 133. If I weigh myself in the evening then it's about 134 or 134.5. But last night I weighed myself at around 9-ish and the scale said 132.5! This is at the end of the day, with a full day's eating behind me. Craziness!

Although, admittedly, I really wasn't hungry AT ALL yesterday and I only got up to about 750 calories. I know that's not good because it just ends up lowering my metabolism instead of helping in the long run. But honestly, am I supposed to force my non-hungry body to eat? Isn't it better instead to listen to what it's trying to tell me and just let it be with 750 calories?

And now today's going to be a busy day. I'm leaving for early (well...noon, let's be honest here) yoga and then spending the day helping A prepare for the New Year's party. It'll be good. We're definitely getting closer in our friendship and that's really wonderful. Besides, she really helps me to keep my goals in mind and that's a wonderful thing.

Happy New Year!

I weigh 133 pounds. I got a digital scale for Christmas, and I've weighed myself every morning since I got it, so now it's official. I weigh 133 pounds. That means I've only got 13 more pounds till my goal weight. Holy crap. I feel amazing about myself. And let's be honest here...13 pounds is not bad. I can do that. I can work through it. Yay!

Heading to Hawaii on the 8th and I'm really excited for it. I need a freakin' vacation and this is going to be perfect. It'll be a place that calls for physical activity: swimming, snorkeling, bike riding, hiking, walking, etc. I can't wait. I think it will really help me realize exactly what it is that I want to be doing with my life.

And, I got a snowboard for Christmas! Yay a million times! It was a big enough present that my parents are not going to give me anything else for the next three years, but that's ok. Honestly, I think it's worth it. It's a Burton from last year and it's blue and sparkly and it's got waves on it and it's so beautiful that I just can't wait to go. I think that I'm actually going to make it up the mountain before New Years too! J agreed that he would take me. Since I don't have a driver's license I can't just go on my own, which sucks a whole hell of a lot. If I did and I could, I wouldn't be sitting here typing right now. That's for sure.

Anyways, I'm just babbling here, so I should run. Basically...I'm skinny, I'm working on being more active, and everything in life seems to be going pretty damn well. I'm kind of excited.

Maybe I should take this as a present from the universe...now I'm down another two pounds which will make exercising easier, right? SO JUST GO AND DO IT YOU LAZY BITCH!!!!!

I think I'm living in the twilight zone, where eating badly means you lose weight.

I haven't been watching what I've been eating since about Thanksgiving. Sad, I know. And since the weather's gotten colder I've been exercising a lot less too. But today I hopped on the scale (just to have a look and see how much I've gained) and I'm at 133. 133!!!!!

Now the problem is that I can't just decide that this is how I am going to lose the weight. I have to get back on the wagon and eat well and exercise my ass off and all that jazz.

Hawaii coming up in two weeks. Got to look good in my bikini. Grin.

I have been completely off of this entire wagon for like the last two weeks or so. I haven't been watching what I'm eating at all. In general, what that really amounts to is massive quantities of fat in my diet. Still my caloric intake is low, but almost all the calories come from fat. Let's be honest here...it's gross.

It just feels like there's so much other shit going on that I don't want to be worrying about this stuff. I guess I really just wish it was easier for me so that it wasn't such a huge issue all the time. If I had more inspiration then it wouldn't be the gigantic chore to do everything right.

I'm just so fucking frustrated by myself all the time!!!

I don't know if I really believe that scales work. Two days ago I weighed myself and I was almost at 140 (which makes sense because of my recent slackage) and then today I weigh myself again and I'm at 135. Can I actually fluctuate 5 pounds in 3 days?

I'm so off...it's just amazing. Spent about 3.5 hours tromping around in the snow this weekend but other than that no exercise. And, because it was snowy and cold outside, I had an almost impossible time controling my eating. I think the important part for me now is to remember soups. Soups can be very lowfat and low-calorie but are also warming and delicious and perfect for the winter.

That and get off my lazy ass and make it to yoga. I know how good it makes me feel, I know how much I like it, so why don't I go as often as I think I should?

Where's my inspiration? Seriously, why can't I stay inspired and stay working hard? Why can't I set goals for myself and actually stick with them? Hell, maybe all the goals I set are too hard. Maybe I should initially set my goals lower. That could work. So what would my new lower goals be?...

1. Yoga twice a week. Three times would be better, but don't feel crappy about yourself if you only manage twice.

2. Gym once a week. Can't be too difficult to only make it there once a week, right?

3. Have two days off from eating regimen. Friday and Saturday. That's normally what I end up doing anyway, so why not just make it legal?

Having a really hard time with all this for the last two weeks. As the weather gets colder I definitely lose my desire to eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Right now my body is craving salt and fat in order to stave off the freezing temperature.

Is it a bad thing to call this week a total wash and just relax about it until Monday? It's that whole "tomorrow is another day" thing. Maybe I should just not worry about it until next week...spend the weekend relaxing (otherwise known as doing homework) and eating whatever I want. Boy does that sound nice, huh? But would it be a bad thing? Would that set a precedent that I don't want set? Would it just end up making me screw up more?

Yoga-ed last night and had the weirdest time. I swear, it was like doing yoga in the Twilight Zone. I didn't sweat nearly as much as I normally do. I had no balance whatsoever. For the life of me I couldn't get my mind to focus on anything. I kept on staring off into space and not breathing right and I just wasn't really there. It was actually rather annoying and it didn't even feel like I really got a work-out. Total waste of 10 bucks.

So I'm going again today. Just can't resist the call, you know?

Slacker. Total freakin' slacker. I promised myself yoga 4 times this week and then today I skipped it. I went yesterday, but that doesn't really mean all that much to my body. Gotta do it several days in a row to really see the results I want to see. Crap. And now, of course, I feel utterly guilty and down on myself.

Just gotta push through this and actually go tomorrow. Gotta convince myself it's worth it. How the hell else am I supposed to get skinny?

I wish I had the determination that others have. I wish I could tell myself to do something and I would listen. I wish I was more motivated.